Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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