I can text with my tongue
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
