I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
