It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
