How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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