my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
