I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
