DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
