shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
