her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
