All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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