I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
