the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
