i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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