I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
