Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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