So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
