DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
