Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
