There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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