I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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