im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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