She's JV to your varsity
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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