I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
