Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
