One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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