The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
