Apparently you make a good broom.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
