Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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