When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
