nut hugger
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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