Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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