Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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