Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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