you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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