I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
