Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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