I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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