ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
