He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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