Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize