I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
