I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
