If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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