I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
