Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well I can't set my house on fire every night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.