dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did I turn a man straight...??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.