i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.