fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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