If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
