one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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