She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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