I heard we made out
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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