If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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