Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
