I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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