went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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