im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
