I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
