Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
