Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
