I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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