We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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