Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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