I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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