her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
